Why was Goliath surprised when David struck him with a stone?Because such a thing never entered his head before

Why do ducks go under water?For divers reasons.Why do they come out again?For sun-dry purposes.hy do they go in again?To liquidate their bills.Why do they come out again?For a run on the bank.

What is the characteristics of a watch?Modesty;as it keeps it's hands before it's face and runs down it's own works.

Why is a kiss like a properly divided sermon?It requires an introduction;Two heads and an application.

What is the oldest piece of furniture in the world?The multiplication table.

What is the difference between a man going up stairs and one looking up?One is stepping up the stairs, the other's staring up the steps.

What is the difference between an engine driver and a school master?One minds the train and the other trains the mind.

Why is a kiss like a rumour?Because it goes from mouth to mouth.

What fastens two people together yet touches only one?The wedding ring.

What confection did they have in the ark?Preserved pears.

What is a button?A small event that is always coming off.

What is the longest word in the English language?Smiles, because there is a mile between the first and the last letter.

What relation is a door mat to a door step?A "step" farther.

When is a schoolmater like a man with one eye?When he has a vacancy for a pupil.

What grows bigger the more you contract it?Debt.

When is coffee like the soil?When it's grounded.

Who was Jonah's tutor?The whale that brought him up.

What is that which a young lady look for, but does not wish to find?A hole in her stocking.

Why did Adam bite the apple Eve gave him?Because he had no knife.

What three letters turn a girl into a woman?"A-G-E."

When is a clock on the stairs dangerous?When it runs down and strikes one

When does a chair dislike you.When it can't bear you.

What makes everybody sick but those who swallow it?Flattery.

Why are teeth like verbs?They are regular, irregular, and defective.

What is the difference between an auction and sea sickness?One is a sale of effects, the other the effects of a sail.

What is that by losing an eye has nothing left but a nose?A noise.

Who may marry many a wife, and yet live single all his life? A clergyman.

When does a dog become larger and smaller?When let out at night and taken in in the morning.

Where can happiness always be found? In the dictionary.

What is the trade of all Prime Ministers? Cabinet makers.

What makes a leopard spotted? The spots.

I am always desiring it, but when i have it i am never satisfied until i get rid of it.What is it? A good appetide.

I have both face and hands and move before your eye.Yet when i go my body stands, and when i stand i lie.

What am i? A clock.